Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
