I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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