We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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