No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
