Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
