Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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