I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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