How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
