I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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