i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
