i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
