Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
