Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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