is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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