If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
