Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
