So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
