i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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