it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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