P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
