Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
