He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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