Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
