if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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