As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
