I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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