You smell like a Billy Joel song
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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