Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
