She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A+ Viking dick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
