My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
