just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
