Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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