actually, I'm a sock model
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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