who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
