That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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