if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
