North Korea, Best Korea!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
