Banned from zoo.
Again?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize