how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
