He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
