what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
