Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
