so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
