dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
