i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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