if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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