i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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