My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
