Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
