on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
