That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize