Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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