ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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