try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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