3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
