don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
