my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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