He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
