Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
