I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
