we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
