I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
