I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
