if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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