so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
