Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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