She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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