the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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