I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
