Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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