I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
