we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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