"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry my hands just texted you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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