Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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